Innocence is Relative
by Grapesy
Summary: James, once again, learns that he'll probably never outsmart Lily.  Not that he's putting all that much effort into trying...


"James!" came shouted from the kitchen of that house in Godric's Hollow, the voice sounding much more dangerous than such a small redhead should be able to produce.

"I didn't do it!" The response came from the nursery upstairs were the messy black-haired male was entertaining his much younger spitting image with the fact that he could often have a very juvenile side to him still.

"I didn't even say what it is I was shouting at you for, James Potter!" Lily was not in the mood to put up with any sass today, especially not from her husband who should have known exactly what she was shouting at him for. Because whenever something went wrong around here, he usually had some dealing in it. Godric help her, she loved him, but sometimes could feel herself resorting to her age old habit of being annoyed with his mere existence.

"Yeah, but you're shouting at me in an accusing tone, which means you're going to accuse me of something when I'm _obviously_ innocent and ignorant of whatever you're talking about!" Oh, he knew exactly what she was flipping out over, but like James would open himself up for her wrath. Well, more so than he was already receiving it. With a satisfied look on his face, he turned away from the door he'd been shouting out of, back down towards his son who was still happily playing with toy blocks. It was halfway through a muttered explanation to Harry about how women often appeared to have lost their minds when he was interrupted by another yell.

"That new vase is broken! The one I just bought and had plans to put in the den! How did it break, James!" Lily was going to kill him. She was going to kill him and play it off as some accident, but if it ever came to light that she had killed him? There were enough people that could vouch for how annoying James bloody Potter was and no court in the world was convict her. She was responsible enough that she would be able to raise a child single-handedly. It _had_ to be easier than trying to raise a child and make sure that oversized manchild didn't destroy everything at the same time!

"Maybe it was the cat! I saw The Plague sneaking around down there earlier looking suspicious! Come to think of it, I'm sure it was the cat!" See, he had this. If he kept endorsing his innocence long enough, his wife would have to finally admit that he obviously couldn't have broken that vase... That he had in fact broken. Was it his fault that Lily was all testy and such today? No. So why should that broken vase be _pinned_ on him, either?

"I can see the cracks, still! It was broken and _someone_ tried to put it back together with pisspoor _magic_! The cat - and her name is _Snowball_ - doesn't know magic, now does she, James!" It was taking every ounce of patience she had not to truly snap. Things weren't amazing at large right now, but Lily wasn't entirely sure why she'd woken up in such a bad mood today. But this? This was trying her last bleeding nerve.

"Maybe she's really an animagus! Maybe this entire time there's been two animagi under this very roof, one of them being a vase-breaking fiend and we just never knew it! We should probably get rid of the cat, Lils, because it wasn't me!" James had been certain he'd done a well enough job of putting the pieces of vase back together, but then Harry had decided to try and vault himself out of his highchair so these attempts had been cut short It also stood that he was probably only making this worse on himself in the long run, but at this point it was like going with the lesser of two evils. Even if he'd picked wrong.

There was the sound of angered footsteps before Lily's voice rang out even louder, due to the fact that she was now at the bottom of the stairs, "James! Nathaniel! Potter!" Maybe this wouldn't turn to bloodshed, but only because that couldn't be good for the baby to be exposed to.

Tensing for a second as he heard his wife so close by, James let out a low sigh as he stood from where he'd been sitting cross-legged before bending down to pick up Harry. No, he'd _never_ carry his son along too in the hopes of using him as some sort of cuteness shield to deflect the rage surely awaiting him at the bottom of the stairs. And there it was, a very pissed looking Mrs Potter with her hands on her hips. "Lily," James was smart enough to not patronise her by also returning in kind her full legal name.

Oh. Oh ho ho, she had things to say and at this point was liable to go on for days about how infuriating it was when James pulled something like this. However, in keeping up with resorting to former habits, when she opened her mouth to speak she couldn't find any words and merely made agitated sounds for a bit. Well, that was before she decided to try and bore a hole through her husband with her glare.

James at this point was sure he was staring at the face of imminent death, and though he still did want to attest to his innocence, felt it best to say _nothing_. Maybe he could make some sudden movement to bring the attention to how delightful their son was? No, that'd probably be considered bad parenting, so instead he continued on with that sheepish look on his face and no more.

This went on for a full minute before Lily found it within herself to speak again, "You're such a git." Hey now, she didn't have to be nice after all of this. "And bring Harry downstairs before you _break him too_," she managed to get out as she turned back to the kitchen so she could attempt to salvage her vase.

Being maimed narrowly avoided, James saw her stalk off at that huffy pace and directed a barely scared look on his face down to the boy in his arms. "Never marry a ginger," he whispered as he started slowly down the stairs. "I don't care how much you think she's the one for you, I can tell you from experience that they are mental and your mum-"

"James. Shut up. Stop feeding him lies." Again, that mad voice rang out, causing James to freeze in place for a moment. Apparently they were also very good at detecting exactly why their ears were burning, yeah? As if he didn't know that already. "And you're doing the dishes when you get down here, without magic at that because you apparently can't work a simple spell and will probably..." It was at that point he tuned her out with a slouch of his shoulders, starting that trek again. Lily might have professed years ago to have gotten rather good at ignoring him, but if she only knew the tricks her husband had picked up in the time they'd been married.

"Yes, love," he replied when he vaguely deduced that she was through raking him over the coals, appearing at the doorway to the kitchen with aforementioned infant and an appeasing smile on his face.

"I said to hush, James," Lily retorted, never looking up from that vase he swore he hadn't broken. Innocent, her arse. She'd known that idiot man too long to know he had been born without innocence.


End file.
